Footprints In The Custard – A New Low

A New Low Cover

Footprints In The Custard – A New Low
Self Released
Release date: 01/06/2019
Running time: 49:34
Review by Beth Jones

Do you like metal? Do you like comedy? Do you like newly discovered levels of depravity? If you answered yes to any or all of these questions, well done, you qualify for this exclusive offer of entertainment PLUS FOR ONE TIME ONLY you get a badge and certificate of membership into the elite ‘Custard Willy Gang’!! Ok I lied about that bit. There is no offer, no badge and no Custard Willy Gang, but if you listen to this album, you are going to laugh, even though your morals tell you not to!

Since the release of their last album, ‘The Decent Of Decency’ in 2016, Footprints In The Custard have been gathering a healthy collection of new fans, storming the stages at Bloodstock, Download, Hammerfest, Amplified and HRH Ibiza with their unique brand of catchy party metal, and it is easy to see why they endear themselves to so many of us slightly off the wall types! Their latest release is a masterstroke of genius, very definitely sinking to ‘A New Low’ of naughtiness, which will have you outwardly raising an eyebrow and wincing and chuckling demonically, whilst inwardly bursting with so much pride, you will feel like their mum watching them win the egg and spoon race at sports day!

It is a collection of 13 lively upbeat tracks, giving us lessons in such things as morals (“Don’t Be A C***”), and in the stages of drinking (“Beer Goggles” and “Motherfucking Hangover”) and way, way too much information about Granny (I’m not even going to write the title of this one – you’ll have to go look for yourself [or you could just look at the track list at the end of this review. Damn]).

The whole album is not just brilliantly funny, and full of incredibly dark, tongue in cheek wit, but it is also superbly executed from a musical point of view, and the mixing and mastering is top quality, but being mastered by Chris Edkins, who has previously worked with the legend that is Devin Townsend, you can easily fathom why the production is so good. FITC have hit a high point with this album in my opinion. They have moved on musically such a long way from the early days and have matured and rounded who they are in their sound, whilst still keeping the same joy and absurdity from their beginnings that makes them so unique. Everything, from the production, through to the songs with added instruments you wouldn’t expect, their sordid undercurrents of dark humour, and all the way to John Pedley’s album art is done beautifully, and in the minutest of detail. So cleverly done is all of this, that you don’t even notice the detail and thought that has gone into it unless you concentrate really hard on it, you just sit back and enjoy the ride.
They do have a slight foray into big slowed down anthem metal towards the end of the album, with “The Bar At The End Of The World”, which is slightly more serious than the rest of the ditties on offer, and is probably my favourite track, (although it is hard to pick a favourite). It is full of big crunchy chords, and huge widdly diddly guitar solos (yes, that is a technical term) and is a brief moment of semi clarity amongst the madness.

I am seriously finding it impossible to criticise anything about this album, but it is losing a point from me as I hate, loath and detest the C word, as Matt Jones (Twisted Illusion) knows, and I’m sorry boys, but you are not going to escape my inner prude either – you naughty bunch of rapscallions – you are getting the same treatment as Matt did – so there!

Go buy the album though – absolute belter!

01. A New Low
02. Beer Goggles
03. Ride, My Little Pony, Ride!
04. Tequila Nips
05. Motherfucking Hangover
06. Don’t Be A Cunt
07. My Granny’s A Gusher
08. Space Force!
09. CLIT Commander
10. Bums
11. The Horn
12. The Bar At The End Of The World
13. Love Custard II – The Second Coming





Disclaimer: This review is solely the property of Beth Jones and Ever Metal. It is strictly forbidden to copy any part of this review, unless you have the strict permission of both parties. Failure to adhere to this will be treated as plagiarism and will be reported to the relevant authorities.

All photos courtesy of Beth Jones and PhotograBee Images

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