Thunderfuck And The Deadly Romantics – Dirty Sleazy Rock ‘N’ Roll
Cargo Records UK
Release Date: 26/07/2019 (Europe)
Running Time: 41:31
Review by ‘Dark Juan’
Oh God. Oh my good God. Jesus Christ in a chariot driven sidecar. These are a bunch of devilishy handsome chaps, aren’t they? I haven’t seen faces that craggy since Mount Rushmore or beards quite so luxuriant since Uncle Albert’s on Only Fools And Horses. Vocalist Thunderfuck (a rather splendid name which has already earned a bonus point for sheer wonderfulness and audacity. Especially with that face, seeing as he looks like he has charged at full pelt into a brick wall) both makes me want to cheer him on with a beer or arm myself for imminent violence. I have not yet decided which, although I have come to the conclusion drinking heavily is the way forward this evening. But that is my general rule of thumb for a Saturday night in the company of my millions of adoring minions. Yes, ok, there’s probably two people hanging on my every word worldwide. Quit harshing my buzz, motherfucker.
Hello, dear acolytes, I’m Dark Juan and I am currently dying of heat exhaustion as it is 11pm at Dark Juan Towers and it is STILL 25 fucking degrees. I am not even in my invocation robes this evening. I’m wearing nothing but denim cutoff shorts and a rictus that could only loosely be described as a smile because I’m sweating my beer out as fast as I can down it. Sir Igor Egbert Cleavage-Hoover (being his full name – shame he is not KC registered because I would fucking LOVE to write that on the registration form) is laid next to me, alternately emitting the kind of smells that were outlawed by the Geneva Convention or begging for my beer. Satan has a better chance of getting a checkout job in Asda than Igor the Evil One has of getting my beer, the little alcoholic bastard. He likes gin. A lot. Sir Zeusington Zeus, KCVQ, VC, MM, DFC and Bar has sparked out across most of my sofa, leaving me a square inch to perch on as I write this nonsense, and Hodgson The Living Breathing Biological Warfare Machine has taken himself and his weaponised arse upstairs to wait for Mrs. Dark Juan to emerge from the bathroom. I swear that woman is half mermaid. She’s never out of the sodding bath.
Anyway, this mob of Canadian horror film extras (sans special effects makeup) are releasing “Dirty, Sleazy Rock ‘n’ Roll” on July 26th and I am supposedly here to tell you about it, aren’t I? We have already concluded that this band and the lead singer in particular have a fucking awesome name and I like it a lot. The music on the record is pretty run of the mill heavy rock mixed with the odd punk riff and attitude. Thunderfuck is not what you would call an accomplished singer either. In fact he has a short of cheery, beery and hoarse delivery that rather…… approximates the note he is going for rather than necessarily hitting it, and there are occasions where he just doesn’t fucking bother. This is NOT negativity, however. Rock n roll and especially metal has forgotten its roots and the fact that us metal fans are one big, drunken, happy family – at its most cheerful with some filthy music playing and two or three hundred of us are in a field dying of alcohol poisoning and projectile vomiting competitions. THIS is what Thunderfuck and The Deadly Romantics are about. They do not give two fucking hoots about precision, your worthless fucking opinion, technical ability, tuning, or any of that shit. They are here to play rock and roll and party. I am here to tell you that this record is a fucking hilarious soundtrack to your Saturday night drinking and party treats and quite simply have that same level of obvious fun, enjoyment and sheer dickheaded joy in what they are doing as what GWAR used to have. The band are musically most similar to the Love Commando himself and his crew (Zodiac Mindwarp and The Love Reaction in case you’re a fucking dirty philistine from hell who has never heard Britain’s greatest rock and roll export. I, Dark Juan, Groove Ipssisimus and Sex Fuhrer, command YOU, false metaller, to listen to Back Seat Education and Prime Mover (NOT THE GHOST ONE!) repeatedly and then you will understand the peculiar, childish genius of Thunderfuck and his mob of freaks), mixed with the punkiest of riffs and the party hard aesthetic of Andrew WK. Lording over it all is the demented ringmaster that is Thunderfuck, a man born not to sing, but to command an audience. It is very easy to imagine this band in a live setting and the lyrics are just funny as fuck. They are very misogynist in places and in others downright perverted but I have the sense of humour of a twelve year old, so I have been laughing my arse off for the past hour and although this record is absolutely from a musical quality point of view a fucking disaster area, it has that amazing thing called entertainment… Excuse me. I have to attend to something. Mrs. Dark Juan has interrupted my lyrical flow to make me sate her thirst for horror. So as she has chosen to watch a horror film on an ENTIRELY LEGAL (Disclaimer: Could possibly be lying. Then again, might not be.) streaming site and has a kind of Luddite electronic warfare field that completely fucks up any electronic entertainment device or internet connection known to man (anything that works on 19th century technology, like, I dunno, fucking goat chariots or spinning wheels or ploughs and oxen and shite, she is groovy with) and I have to step in otherwise her computer would have more viruses than a fucking Ebola victim with AIDS, Gonorrhea and a fungal nail infection. Where was I? Oh, yes.
Thunderfuck and The Deadly Romantics are almost ridiculously entertaining and I love and hate them at the same time. I love them because they are fun, raw and rock n roll in distilled and super potent form, but as an actual musician (yeah, I can play instruments. My old band might not agree, but they are just wrong ok?) they set my teeth on edge, especially Thunderfuck and his approximate approach to singing. This, however, has not ruined my enjoyment of a record that sets new standards for beer soaked fun in a world of metal that’s getting far too serious and po-faced for its own good. I love this record. It’s ironic I love this record because I recently reviewed Warrior Soul’s latest album and it was an assault on my senses and my intelligence and it was rather like this one, but Kory Clarke has fuck all sense of humour, whereas these guys are all about the fun and the party. I have a full and all abiding hatred of all ballads that don’t match up to Skid Row’s 18 And life but even the ballad on this record (charmingly entitled Go Fuck Yourself) is fucking brilliant. Every song on this record is just out and out party music.
Thunderfuck And The Deadly Romantics, I conclude, are awesome. Buy this record, be appalled at how sloppy it is, but then appreciate it for the sheer amusement value it generates. I defy you to not smile when listening to this record. If you don’t there’s summat wrong with you. Bon soiree, mes amis!
The Patented Dark Juan Blood Splat Rating System has been educated, amused and edified and awards Thunderfuck And The Deadly Romantics 8/10 for full on rock n roll joyfulness.
01. Drink this Party Dry (This is Thunderfuck at his most excruciating.)
02. I’m Not In Love (Certainly not a cover of the 10CC classic!)
03. Anal Annie (Almost pathetic but still amusing if you are an overgrown child like me.)
04. Spray My Love (Could be a WASP song with that title.)
05. The Finger (Probably not to do with V For Vendetta.)
06. Attention Whore (Thank you for noticing, Thunderfuck. Yes, yes I am.)
07. One More For The Road (Inspired by Boz Scaggs, by any chance?)
08. Let’s Fuck (No thanks. I’ve seen your face.)
09. Go Fuck Yourself (That would be my standard answer to the above question, unless Gemma Arterton or the utterly delectable, delicious and delightful Beth-Ami Heavenstone was doing the asking…)
10. Get My Hole (Not on your fucking nelly, Thunderfuck.)
11. Jaegerbomb (Give me 10 of the fuckers. To be fair there is a serious message to this one dressed up in the lyrical shenanigans – Thunderfuck was developing a serious problem with drinking and quit Jaegerbombs in order to survive.)
12. #Me Too (For rock n roll sexiness, then yes. Fuck yes.)
Thunderfuck – Vocals
Johnny Douchebag – Guitars
Jim McPain – Guitars
Ryan Cumsock – Bass
George Leghumper – Drums
Disclaimer: This review is solely the property of Dark Juan and Ever Metal. It is strictly forbidden to copy any part of this review, unless you have the strict permission of both parties. Failure to adhere to this will be treated as plagiarism and will be reported to the relevant authorities.