Bloodyard – Orchard Of Corpses

Bloodyard – Orchard Of Corpses
Self-Released
Release Date: 01/05/2020
Running Time: 42.27
Review by Dark Juan
8/10

Hello, my mischievous little munchkins and pixies. I trust you have all been cavorting around ancient forests like the good little misanthropic spirits you are and terrifying small children? Capital, my pernicious little piskies, capital. It seems that you are now allowed to go and get a haircut, but you aren’t yet allowed to adorn your skin with art. Because tattoo studios aren’t some of the most hygienic places in the world are they? I normally avoid politics because it’s a) Boring as fuck for you lot to read, b) I’m right and you’re wrong (TRUST ME ON THIS!) and c) the art of debate appears to have died a grisly and unpleasant death because we are all apparently snowflakes repeating fake news, regardless of which point of view we have. Suffice it to say that the current parasite inhabiting Number 10 appears to be hell bent on killing off our entire scene and I AM NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT! Apparently the choleric Mrs. Phillips from number 42, Saddleworth Road can now toddle off and get her fucking blue rinse sorted out and gossip with her equally unhealthy friends at a 1 metre distance in a hair salon full of hair clippings but we can’t get fucking tattoos or piercings and go and watch some heavy fucking metal played live in a sweaty, salty club somewhere. Even the mop topped fuckwits have their beloved fucking football back. It is not right and Boris is a right pigfucking cunt.  I’d like to curse the entire planet but that would leave me no virgins to defile and that would not be a good thing. I get testy when I am not able to perpetrate horrors on the wildly resisting bodies of nubile young victims. I’d like to say that that is my rant over but it probably is only the beginning… For the record, Dark Juan does not like football – if I want to shout myself hoarse for 90 minutes at people who aren’t listening and don’t give a fuck anyway I’ll just go to work as normal and I don’t have to pay investment groups gajillions of pounds for a season ticket to go and be wet, poor, cold and deafened.

Well, this is thrilling. I have, clenched in my sweaty and considerably sexually aroused hands the debut album from Lancaster death metal speedsters Bloodyard. Led by Amazonian, and not in the least bit frightening, frontwoman Donna Hurd, who appears to have been doing unspeakable things with acid, broken glass and large amounts of gravel to her voice, they have unleashed a record that would have done a very well established act justice. This is an excellent debut. My arousal only increases. You lucky things. I must note that it appears, from my past couple of reviews, the UK is undergoing a rather splendid wave of British death metal at the moment. And especially fronted by the fairer sex. This is not me being misogynist (although the darker ideas I have about ladies absolutely are…) this is me commenting that I find it gratifying that women are standing up in a genre that has not been historically populated by women and making it their own. Both Basement Torture Killings’ Beryl and Bloodyard’s Donna are as good as the classic male vocalists of the genre and actually better than the David Vincents of the world. I’m conflicted about the past couple of sentences because I’m not trying to draw comparisons. I’m all about equal rights (rites?) and I am a feminist, and to my sensibilities I have just been tremendously sexist, where all I was trying to say was that Donna is a great DM vocalist. Fuck’s sake. Being woke is hard sometimes. It’s staying in the review because I do think it a great thing that more extreme genres are starting to be populated by women and I believe in being honest with all you good folk out there. Extreme metal has been a sausage fest for too long.

Let’s move to less deep water where I can’t get myself in trouble any more, shall we? The music is excellent. The guitar sound is rather more crisp and legible than most death metal and there is an undercurrent of more traditional metal underpinning Bloodyard’s sound that proves to be an advantage, as it manages to break the unrelenting brutality up and makes “Orchard Of Corpses” something greater than the sum of its parts. There are also little thrash touches – on “Antithesis” especially there is an extremely Slayerish moment… I’ll let you all find out what that is. The fact that the band hail from the Historic County Palatine of Lancashire is another point in their favour considering your favourite Satanic shock rock hack is a Lancastrian boy too (apart from Donna, who is very obviously Scottish, but she does count as Northern and therefore brilliant!) The drumming on the record is tighter than a gnat’s chuff, the bass happily vibrates your nethers into a state of priapic excitement, the guitar work incisive and sharp, and the vocals facemeltingly intense. What’s not to love?

There are a couple of negative points I’ll quickly address because they are minor and don’t really impact on my enjoyment of the record – there is a slight case of musical schizophrenia as Bloodyard do appear to have moments of being unsure as to whether they want to be full bore death metal or add some groove in there, and a couple of the songs do feel to be a bit overlong, “Antithesis” (that song again!) could comfortably have had a minute shaved off the end of it and no one would have been the wiser. But, and this is a BIG FUCKING BUT, it is a debut album and a very, very good one. Everyone has to start somewhere and hopefully quality control will become better as Bloodyard continue their hopefully meteoric rise.

Standout tracks are “All Hail The Crimson King” which is just meaty as fuck, “Antithesis” which combines death, groove and thrash in a fashion that can only be described as sexual and the title track, which is old school DM of the highest calibre. Hopefully we are seeing a NWOBDM forming with Bloodyard in the vanguard.

To summarise – Bloodyard’s battlewagon is combat ready and devastatingly lethal, but the engine is missing a beat or two. Otherwise it’s a matt black, lead belching death machine razing everything, and butchering everyone around it. Just the kind of thing that gets my lust murdering tendencies fired up. Well done, you beautiful bunch of axe murdering bastards.

The Patented Dark Juan Blood Splat Rating System awards Bloodyard a blistering 8/10 for a first class debut. Can’t wait to make them the soundtrack to my own personal apocalypse.

TRACKLISTING:
01. Blood Begets Blood
02. Mortem
03. Rupture The Mask
04. Orchard Of Corpses
05. All Hail The Crimson King
06. Stack The Pyre
07. Choke
08. Purge The Rot
09. Antithesis

LINE-UP:
Donna Hurd – Vocals
Nick Adamson – Guitar
Dave Cowley – Bass (Proof of my theory that all bands have a hidden Dave! There is ALWAYS A DAVE!)
Matty Lee – Drums

LINKS:
www.bloodyard.uk/
www.facebook.com/bloodyard666/
www.twitter.com/Bloodyard
www.instagram.com/bloodyard666/
www.soundcloud.com/nick-adamson-4
www.youtube.com/user/bloodyard1

Disclaimer: This review is solely the property of ‘Dark Juan’ and Ever Metal. It is strictly forbidden to copy any part of this review, unless you have the strict permission of both parties. Failure to adhere to this will be treated as plagiarism and will be reported to the relevant authorities.

Pentre Fest Summer Session 2019 – McLean’s Pentre – 06/07/2019

00 Pentre Fest Summer Session Poster

Pentre Fest Summer Session 2019
McLean’s Pentre
06/07/2019
Review by Beth Jones

Is there anything better on a summer’s day than having a good time with friends, with good music and cheap beer? The answer to that question is of course ‘No’ and this year’s Pentre Fest Summer Session was one such summer’s day that we have had the pleasure of enjoying so far this year! The weather this year looked questionable, but thankfully by the time everything kicked off, the sun had decided to get its arse into gear and put in an appearance!

The lineup was a great mix of styles from classic heavy metal to groove death metal and everything in between, and it also saw the return of the now infamous Edd Case and his acoustic stage, which is just the best way to chill out between bands ever. This takes place out on the veranda (!!) and this year saw Edd kicking off proceedings there, and then going inside to do an opening slot on ‘the big stage’, which he was uber happy about!!

Edd Case
What can I say about Edd that hasn’t already been said?! If you don’t know him, or haven’t seen him perform, then you really do need to check him out. He is so much fun, and he never fails to put you in a good mood. This is a man who has come close to death and now has a newfound love of life, and it is infectious. He finished his ‘big stage’ set with a song he penned himself, called ‘Letters Back Home’, which personally I think is lyrically one of the most emotive songs I have ever heard. I have seen him perform it a number of times now, and I can’t watch it without getting the mother of all lumps in my throat. Every god damn time! You have no idea how much will power it takes me not to turn into a blubbering mess!

01 Edd Casehttps://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100014628035630

Scarfoot
Again, we have seen these guys on a good number of occasions, the most recent being the Bloodstock M2TM Semi Final. This was a very different performance to their last few however, and they seemed a lot more relaxed, which came through in their performance. Lead singer / Guitarist Oliver Carins came out of his shell a bit more and really looked like he was enjoying the performance – something which I haven’t always seen in the past. Drummer Phil Eakins was solid as ever on the beats, and his voice came through really well thanks to the impeccable sound, which once again the sound man has to be applauded for.

02 Scarfoothttps://www.facebook.com/thescarfootband/

Thrashatouille
After their shock exit at the semi-finals of Bloodstock M2TM, it was great to see these guys back to their culinary best! Their madcap meld of food and thrash is always a welcome teatime treat in my book, and they again pulled off a brilliant performance here, with some new songs as well as the classics, finishing up with the temporarily named ‘Chocolate Romance’, as they hadn’t been able to get their hands on a Red Velvet cake for front man Rob Sutton to smash into his face at the end! They played a super tight set and had a great laugh. It was also amusing to see the ever-lovely Nick Gregory of Radio Deeside being turned into a human hoopla peg, with giant inflatable donuts!

03 Thrashatouillehttps://www.facebook.com/Thrashatouille/

Mad Spanner
These guys are really starting to find themselves properly now. They have a great new logo and a real identity as a band now, and that is showing through in their madcap, post-apocalyptic punk thrash performances that continue to amuse and delight us! This performance was no exception, and yet again they looked like they were having immense fun, with Michael Randall bouncing about like Tigger on speed (I swear he is trying to get a sponsorship deal from Duracell), and the immense power of Dan Ashley’s guitar and Ben Codd’s drums making sure that everyone knew that it was Mad Spanner time! I love these guys because they are just totally nuts and don’t take themselves too seriously, and this is what performing should be all about. Manowar could learn some useful life lessons from Mad Spanner!

04 Mad Spannerhttps://www.facebook.com/MadSpanner/

Midnight Prophecy
We saw Midnight Prophecy last Christmas at the Twisted Illusion Christmas Gig in Manchester, and were completely blown away by them, so we were super chuffed that we would get the chance to see them again on our doorstep! They didn’t disappoint. Their performance was exquisite. They are old school classic British Heavy Metal. They are melodic and impeccable and exciting and enticing, and I love it. Lead singer Craig Cairns has such an amazing voice and reminds me very much of a young Bruce Dickinson, and the rest of the band provide enough energy and noodling skills to competently cement their sound together into something very, very exciting. I thoroughly recommend them to everyone. One of the Pentre regulars, who had never seen them before, said to me that they were probably the best band he had ever seen there, and I have to say that I totally agree.

05 Midnight Prophecyhttps://www.facebook.com/midnightprophecy/

Bloodyard
I watched the soundcheck for these guys and it made me chuckle in amazement because Donna Hurd’s powerhouse vocals literally made my eardrums bleed, and then they stopped and a tiny little voice said, ‘Yeah that sounds good’, and it blew my mind! How the hell she does that roar I do not know but flipping heck it is powerful!! They are a North West based Groove Death Metal four-piece and for this performance they had a stand in bass player, but you wouldn’t have known – they were super tight and super heavy, and Donna absolutely owned the stage. We had to leave a little early, as we are both old and broken and these all-dayers take their toll on us now, but we caught most of Bloodyard’s set and they are definitely worth checking out if you like metal to punch you in the face with RRRRRRRAWRR!

06 Bloodyardhttps://www.facebook.com/bloodyard666/

Before I sign off on another live review, I must also mention in more detail the acoustic stage, run by the acoustic king himself, Mr. Edd Case, which kept us chilled and entertained during the main stage breaks, and saw a couple of sets from Edd, along with performances from Neill Murphy, Captain Andy, Zanda Stone, and Scarfoot’s Oliver Carins. It is such a calming place to be between the main acts and I love it. All the acoustic performances were spot on again, and full of the feel of a long summer’s day.
Yet again we had a smashing time at Mclean’s, and I for one feel quite lucky that we get to go there, because it is quite possibly one of the friendliest places to be, where airs and graces are left at the door, and everyone is relaxed, which creates the wonderful and warm atmosphere that surrounds every event there. Thanks again to Fozzy and Beany for their tireless work putting on these showcases, to Edd Case for working like a trojan for the love of the acoustic stage, and to all the bands and acoustic acts for keeping us thoroughly entertained. Here’s to doing it all again next year!

07 Acoustic Stage

LINKS:

https://www.facebook.com/N.E.WMetalProductions/
https://www.facebook.com/GoodforaudioEntertainment/
https://www.facebook.com/pentrefest/
https://www.facebook.com/McleansPubLive/
https://www.facebook.com/Powerzonemetal/
https://www.facebook.com/phoenixrisingrocks/
https://www.facebook.com/evermetal2017/

 

Disclaimer: This review is solely the property of Beth Jones and Ever Metal. It is strictly forbidden to copy any part of this review, unless you have the strict permission of both parties. Failure to adhere to this will be treated as plagiarism and will be reported to the relevant authorities.